Stupid need for human contact.

I had somewhat of an "episode" last night when I finally got a decent enough skype connection with my mother... It was really embarassing, but it has to do with living in Japan and as such, merits going in this blog. Plus I find that honest moments are the most interesting to look back on, so in 5 years if I read this... uhhh... I hope it's interesting?

Well yesterday I couldn't go to Marina's birthday party because it was snowing way too hard for me to get there and back in one evening in one piece. I spared myself some death-defying driving and stayed in with the ferret and the heater. It was fine.

But as the sun set and I ran out of people to talk to online, I started feeling a bit lonesome. On top of everything, my "super computer" imac has stopped playing the Sims (for reasons that are to computery to put into this entry) and has started freezing more often. I thought "macs didn't freeze", or whatever. Plus, playing computer games tends to be all that I do with my free time (aside from movies, reading and studying). I am not a "big gamer", but it's something to take my mind off of boredom and it passes the time really quickly! So without the ability to play games, I felt like I honestly had nothing to occupy my time.

My internet connection isn't good. It's spotty and generally slow as molasses. I don't need high speed internet to LIVE of course, ... but it also means Skype doesn't work that well. Which means I can't physically speak to anyone without a terrible connection and constant hang ups. So... that on top of being stuck in my house and having generally nobody to talk to/nothing to do in my town sometimes really wears me down. Never this much, though.

On the phone with my mother, I finally just broke down into hypoventalation and trying to vent my frustrations so I could breathe properly again. My mom keeps mentioning taht I should just transfer or ask to move closer to Ine to get better internet and be that much closer to humanity. But, I can't transfer out of Honjo just because of internet! It's so lame... and I love my town/schools/job/general lifestyle here. I'm just not a perfect person.

But, I will tell my PA (Ian) about it and maybe just venting to him will help. Plus he has to listen to me, it's his job.

Rachel