London and Emotional Rollercoasters

Well it was quite the whirlwind vacation to England! Last year I only saw my Dad for 3 days before he had to go on a business trip, but this time he took 2 weeks off and we did NOTHING (not even Belgium things!) I don't think I've ever accomplished so much nothing on a vacation before... it was fantastic.

The pound is doing poorly, which made me happy because it meant that not everything was ridiculously expensive (only practically expensive). So, I bought lots of yarn and an ipod and some clothes. Good purchases all around.

Family is all doing well. Mama is still crazybonkers and my Dad likes the wii fit a LOT. Laura is good and is rocking a most interesting bouffant sort of hairdo most days. I don't know if this is on purpose. Dogs are well, except that Shekel is going blind! He is starting to look like the scary old rat, Nicodemus, from the Rats of NIMH! Oh no! But my cousins' pets had to be put to sleep first thing in 2009 (RIP Licorice the dog and Cosmo the cat). So weird. It was in 24 hours of each other, too. Different households to boot! What crap luck. Anyway I am thankful for my aging, blind, obnoxious dog.

For Christmas my mom cooked a ham and a chicken and a million side dishes, which actually made up for not having Thanksgiving with them this year. I ate so much ham, I may actually be 14% ham by volume now. They'll call me Ham Sreebny and I will excreet ham at them. Through my EYES.

Um.. for new years we sampled scotches from around the woooooorld (and got drunk) and played British Trivial Pursuit which has questions such as,
"Which town in Northern Britain was first to achieve an electric tramway and to this day still utilizies trams."
An American such as myself first asks the question , "wtf is a tram?"
The answer is Blackpool... or Liverpool.... or Blacksomething. I forgot. Needless to say I did not earn a single wedge.
The funny thing about England is not that they pronounce everything silly and phrase things strangely

"How many noses has a slug?"(the answer is 4). (I got that one right out of guessing).

Other than that, I utilized high speed internet and filled that big empty void in my life called "intimacy" with three human bodies around me at all times, and watched the first season of 30 rock. Come to think of it, my ma pa and sister were the ONLY people I had contact with in those 2 weeks, which is probably why it was so hard to depart.

The long flights and long train rides back were full of me half being horrified about leaving and going back to Japan where I feel gloomy lonely and empty most of the time and half me crying from exhaustion after being up for too many hours and never having any idea where my trains were supposed to be... also tooooo many suitcases and no escalaters make Rachel very unhappy. When I got to Fukuchiyama station and missed my train by 10 seconds b/c my bags couldn't be carried up the stairs quickly enough, I just burst into tears. Some girl with Japanese about as good as mine had to help me ask about other trains because I was so exhausted that I didn't have the energy to tell her that "I can understand the schedule I'm just crying because my body wants me to let it die." Anyway thanks, mystery girl! You saved me a bit of trouble.

Yumi's mother was a saint and picked me up from the train station. My car was a saint for not running out of gas on the way home. The weather was a saint for not raining or snowing.

Getting back home finally at midnight was weird. I had to take a bath because it was too cold to get into bed otherwise and once I was in bed and shut off the lights I had that dawning realisation that "AUGH OH NO I'M BACK HERE AND HERE IS WHERE I AM!!!!!" And had the same realizaton when I got up at 645 for work. "Oh no it wasn't a dream, I'm still here.... it's like I never left nNOooOoooooo!!!!"

So I've been feeling on and off depressed for the past 48 hours or so. But once teh sun finally came out and it was all beautiful and the waterfall was out and I had a nice drive to work it didn't seem quite as bleak. Nighttime just seems darker when there's no one else around.

Apparently my students did well above average on their English standardized tests so my BOE is happy with me for a change (even after me nagging at them about me going to that conference in 2 weeks). Phew. Our boss took everyone out for lunch at the sushi place down the street. Sitting down and knowing I could eat everything and HOW to eat everything made me realize that coming back is SO easy that it doesn't feel right.

It really doesn't feel like you should be able to wake up next to your sister in a proper house with central heating and say hi to your dogs and drink coffee wtih your dad and go for a ride in the car to the airport and spend that same night at your frigid empty house in rural Japan. It's so jarring that I feel a little bit crazy. That's why it seems like the vacation never actually happened, which is kind of depressing in itself.

Anyway I don't know what's wrong with me but I am preeeetty sure I am some kind of depressed right now. Seeinga psychiatrist in Japan sounds like more trouble than it's worth but I wanted to put this out there to everyone since it's a new year and I don't want people to think that I hate everything. I really just go back and forth between loving it here and hating it here and it never seems to sit in the middle. I just feel like I seem to be preventing myself from doing things I shoudl want to do. Like my friends here are awesome but I never feel like going out with them and it doesn't stop me from feeling lonely most of the time. I have a good job and I work well with my coworkers but I still feel like nobody there respects me and I am a really crappy teacher. I just feel like I am trapped inside myself and it's preventing me from having the fun I deserve to be having during my last 7 months. I also keep comparing myself to others which makes me embarassed about not having a good time in Japan when it seems like everyone else it -- but everyone HATES life in the winter! Why can't I see this????

Anyway I'm back and after work I am going to go home and sleep SO HARD. Meanwhile the monkeys are calling to me... "Happy 2009!" They seemed to screech.

Rachel

Long time, no write

Long Time, No Write.
July 14th – September 1st

I HAVEN’T WRITTEN IN ABOUT TWO OR THREE MONTHS… for that I apologize. It’s not that there wasn’t a lot to write about, it’s more that I’ve spent the past two or so months being broke, being busy, and being boring. The three B’s of my summer.
AFTER MY SISTER LEFT JAPAN, things calmed down. I had no more trips planned and I was looking forward to the summer holiday where school would pause and I would move down to Kyoto City to take part in an expensive and intensive Japanese language course. As school slowed down, I was feeling less and less like I wanted to be a part of it. The hours seemed to be growing longer, rather like the summer days. As the heat penetrated the thin walls of my house and workplace, I was feeling the beginnings of cabin fever. By the time mid-July rolled around and it was time to move South for the Summer, I was ready

The apartment

MY SUMMER AWAY FROM INE began around July 13th. I drove down to Yagi where I left my car for multiple days (and on more than one occasion). Good ol free parking… I dragged my suitcase and coffee machine all the way to my ridiculously far away area called Takaragaike/宝ケ池 (the lake of treasures). My dorm room was small but had all the necessities; an Air Conditioner (hallelujah!), a mini-fridge, burner, desk, microwave, faux-closet, faux-bathroom, and a television. I felt at home in such a small space since I’ve been feeling for the past few months (ever since my absence of my sister and family) that my house is just too damn big for one person (and one weasel). My empty nest syndrome began to subside, although I was missing Kirby like crazy. I met my neighbour, Nina, who was very sweet and very good-looking. After many failed attempts to introduce her to Ian (for karma/booty purposes), she and I became bus-buddies and made small talk in the internet lounge while I helped her do her homework (and procrastinated my own).


THE NEXT WEEK, Leigh moved into my house. This was a great relief to the both of us as she was doing me the huge favour of watching my house and pet while I was gone. Although it may have been a relief for Leigh to have a place to put her unpacked belongings, I don’t think the distance did her any favours. In any case, she no longer lived in her house of two years, and I no longer lived in the inaka. It was a weird week for everyone.

BACK IN KYOTO FOR MY SECOND WEEK, I took Megan on board. Megan who had been my only true contact outside of the two-facedness of my year in Tango… Megan who had been my senpai, my teacher, and my friend. I’ll be honest, after three days of spending money I didn’t have, staying out late and ignoring my studies (why did I pay $800 for language class again? Certainly not to study), I was really ready for Megan to leave when the morning came. Not happy, but certainly not upset. She was ready to go home, and I was ready to get back to my temporary life.


HOWEVER, BY MY THIRD WEEK in Kyoto I was crippled with depression. Megan was gone. She wasn’t gone forever – hell she moved to Seattle, so it’s not like this is quits for us, but… she was gone. And Megan had been the best part of my past year in Japan. Without Megan I would never have found all the cool places in Kyoto, I would never have learned what “purikura” truly is, and I would never have had a warm home away from home during the long winter when I felt I had no one else in the world. For me it was impossibly hard to admit that my world was basically broken now that she was gone. After all, I still had good friends in Kyoto! Lauren, Greg and Ian weren’t going anywhere! Plus Leigh was still at my house in Ine – why was I so sad? Why was I so set on not making a single friend at my language school? Why was suddenly for the first time in 11 months feeling like I was the least extraordinary human being ever to walk the face of this fine earth? It hit me like a bus.

BY MY FOURTH WEEK IN KYOTO, I was ready to go home. Home to Ine. I wasn’t sure if I was going to feel happy back in the inaka after all the swank city living… but I also hadn’t done too much swank city living! Fortunately for my sanity, Ian hung out with me a LOT after Megan left. We did cultural activities like going to a museum, walking aimlessly, and accidentally rolling our beers into the Kamo River (well, that was mostly me). We talked a lot about non-Megan related things; Japanese, the newcomer AETs, and Ian’s girl problems. It was refreshing! It seemed like July and August were passing in a flash and I wasn’t even sure what I wanted out of JET or Japan anymore.

MY LAST WEEKEND IN KYOTO I ditched the class’ sayonara party to go up to my house for one day to help Leigh and Steve move out of it. It took a VERY long time – much longer than expected. It involved a lot of sweating, driving around, shipping boxes, and keeping Leigh and Steve hydrated and alive (I don’t think they had slept in days because they had been so busy saying goodbye to everyone they’d ever met in Tango). Despite the exhaustion, it was a really good thing to go back and hang out with the two of them one last time before they would leave Kyoto Prefecture for Kyushyu. I don’t’ think I had anticipated the emptiness I now feel without Leigh. She was a true friend, and without her my times in Tango would have been even bleaker. They dropped me off at Ayabe station and I began my intensely long and awful journey back to my too-far-away-for-no-reason apartment and then met up with Lauren and Ian for beer at the river. I was in the worst mood of my life by the time I met them – but they cheered me up with McDonald’s and booze. We then met up with my coworkers for international karaoke – not to be missed. They really like U2 in Italy.

MY VERY LAST NIGHT in Kyoto was spent in a big crowd of sweaty, distressed and camera-toting Japanese tourists. We had gathered to watch Daimonji (large, lit up kanji on the hills of Kyoto to help guid the spirits from Obon back to Heaven). It was NOT worth it, but it was nice to hang out with Ian and his two friends from home for about 15 minutes before trudging off to meet Leigh and Steve for their last supper in Kyoto.

MY FINAL TRIP BACK HOME after moving out of my dorm was uneventful. However, as soon as I glimpsed the bright blue sparkling water that outlines the coast that I live on, I felt like it was a breath of fresh air. I had really forgotten how beautiful it was where I live, and I felt relieved to be home. I was less relieved to spend the evening fixing my toilet and mopping up the floor, but there’s probably karma in there somewhere. I DID squish a lot of bugs in my Kyoto apartment.


SINCE THEN, IT’S BEEN MEETING the new JET participants. This has involved multiple trips down to Kyoto for conferences, beer gardens, and mingling. I even gave a speech about living in the countryside of Japan, which didn’t go over as poorly as I had anticipated. I kicked a chair by accident, but nobody was severely injured. It was strange and new being a “senpai”, but I was happy to feel knowledgeable for the first time since senior year of college. I’m quite burnt out from all the “newbie” activities, but it’s nice to be on the “old” side of things instead of the “new and sparkly” side. The wide-eyed JET thing got pretty old for me pretty fast, and now I can sit back and relax for the next 12 months before I leave. So, kanpai to that.

UNTIL THE START OF THE SECOND SCHOOL TERM, I was still feeling an on and off depression about losing all of my friends, forcing myself to be social with people I don’t really know, and finding time to do all the laundry I had produced after about 3 weeks of NOT doing any. Thankfully school has resumed and now I feel like I can get back to my life, as unorganized as it may be. My September goal really should be organizing my house, life, and daily habits … but probably I’ll just watch all the TV shows that are coming back on itunes. I’m an admittedly imperfect person. [TV PROMO PICS]

THERE’S MORE TO BE SAID, and there’s a lot I’ve left out… but I think that’s all you get for now.

PS – Kirby celebrated his first birthday! What would I do without him? Probably mop less…

kirby eats ice cubes.

Post Rachelmas Empty Nest

I woke up at 9:30 am when I saw John, Amy and Lauren leaving the room of sleep. I wanted to go hang out with them downstairs, but found I couldn’t get up without feeling pukey. I also took this moment to appreciate that I had gone to sleep in my belt. I however didn’t take it off as I went back to sleep for an hour or so. At 10:30 I joined Megan downstairs as she was making delicious rice/apple/cinnamon porridge for everyone. I couldn’t do much but sit still and drink soda water and hope to regain hydration. I was however pleased at my hangover, as I feel it made Rachelmas seem even more legend. By this point, John, Amy, Lauren and Desirae had left. It was very sad. I mourned in my own way. The way of eating porridge and watching Grey’s anatomy until Marina and Ian joined us. We watched TV and ate porridge for a few hours and then headed down to Miyazu to give Yuumi back her wallet. After that it was sushi-city in Fukuchiyama and a long long drive back to Ine.

My house was SO empty. After having 20 happy, smiley people in the house and then having NONE was very strange. It was extremely lonely, I won’t lie. I feel that adds to the LEGEND that was Rachelmas 2K7 though, and I know that once I transcend space, time and emotion, I will forget the loneliness and remember only the LEGEND.

The Coming of the Boar

Loneliness and Boar

I was driving back from a thrifty shopping trip at Mipple and fun time dinner at the sushi place. There was no sea to see (because the moon was all cloudy) alas. Listening to some music... suddenly a song came on that I was playing a lot in the last few days before I left California and it just made me think of Toshi and how much I missed him. I don't know how he made such an impression on me as I am sure it is not mutual, but he did and I really do miss him quite a lot.

I was feeling rather blue. So I told myself "well you can't fall in love with someone who's not here anyway, but you can sure fall in love with Japan! Japan is here!” And as soon as I thought that, Japan gave me a present. Piggies!

Okay so I have wanted to see the wild boar for AGES and everyone else seems to have seen them around Ine except me. So when I saw two piggies hanging out in the road being adorable, I squealed "YES YES YES THANK YOU!" and drove along my way (taking care not to run them over...) PIGGIEEEEEES

So I was feeling pretty good on the way back. Homesickness has just started hitting me a little bit, just feeling lonesome for some company and wanting all my friends and family to experience my small town too. And as I was at the turn to go into the clearing where Honjo begins, I saw MOOOOORE PIGGIES!!!! Three of them! A mama piggie, papa piggie and baby piggie! The papa piggie even had tusks! OMG! So I wanted to stop but at the same time I wasn't sure if it would like jump on my car and eat me, so I merely slowed down enough to get a piggie glimpse and rode along my merry way. HOORAY.